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January 6, 2010

prozac free since 12/09

I quit taking my "crazy pills" a month ago. Maybe it was even in November, but I can't remember the exact date. I have to say that I am MOSTLY glad I don't take them anymore. One of the reasons I quit was because I've gained insane amounts of poundage and thought maybe it was because of the pills. (so far the pounds have not dropped off, which means that I was wrong about that one). I reasoned that maybe it wasn't a chemical thing causing the weight gain, but that the pills make me not care so much just how fat I am. That part, I believe to be true.

This brings me to the second reason for quitting. I realized that I hadn't shed a tear in a long long long time. I know that's possibly a good thing, but it's also bad. I wasn't "touched" or "moved" by things the way I've always been. I wanted to cry again. And cry I did.

I've noticed that what really has changed is that I get angry more. I feel like i need to ACT on things that are upsetting to me. This isn't always a good thing. I spend way more time now talking myself down from my grandios plans to MAKE THINGS RIGHT, DAMMIT. Luckily, I have a good support system. I can tell my friends what I am thinking about doing and then I need to listen listen listen so that I don't go off half cocked and make things worse. That can happen, ya know. I do listen, too. mostly. Then, once I'm calmer and not ready to explode on people, if I still feel like i need to fix things, I call my mom. She's the voice of reason mostly and she's pretty much my opposite when it comes to doing things. She prays and listens and volunteers and makes changes in the world in the most peaceful and kind ways. I am more inclined to yell at people until things are right. Mom rarely gives me advice, but if I ask, she guides me back to earth. I'm glad about that.
So glad...that I cry. again.

One other reason I wanted to stop with all of the prozac is because I wanted to see if I'd still break out in hives. That was my main reason for starting to take them. Life stresses me out and it's pretty evident by the fact that I become a welpy rashy mess when my mind and body have just had enough. So far, I've only had hives 2 or 3 times. Maybe I'm getting better at not being a stressball? Maybe the crying puts the hives on the back burner? I don't know.

I am so happy to cry happy tears now. I'm determined to put my extra angst and love and feelings and emotions to good use this year. I'd love it if I felt energized enough to go to the gym or something, but let's not kid ourselves. I am a potato. I've started back on WW and I plan on dropping my weight this year. I planned on that last year too :)

Posted by krystal at January 6, 2010 1:50 PM

Comments

My mom is awesome like that too. I've gotten pretty fat in the past few years too. You've taken it off before- and you will again. Good luck!

Posted by: manda at January 8, 2010 3:54 PM